Jellynail’s Neighborhood

Which seemed pretty odd, considering that I'm wearing my biggest size ever. But maybe it was fat vs muscle (lost muscle, gained fat = gained size but lost weight).

So I stepped on the scale again.
And gained back 10 of those 20 lbs

And stepped on the scale again
And gained back the other 10 of 20 lbs

And stepped on the scale again
And it stayed where it was.
Dammnnnit.

I was just looking up lapband info cause I have a theory that most of the gastric bypass stuff works, largely, not by causing satisfaction but by causing negative effects from eating too much. Primarily nausea, heartburn, and vomiting. Those aren't intake deterrents to me. In fact, most of the time they're triggers to each starchy foods to calm down my stomach.

Truly, truly, truly, the only time I've EVER experienced satisfaction with food was when I was on Fen/Phen. Not the speed part (I didn't take that one), just the pondamin (fenfluramine). Within a day or 2 of starting those pills, I had a totally different relationship with food. I suddenly understood how "normal" people look at food. I could eat a bite, be content, and then stop. It was a revelation!!

Whatever that chemical was, I have NONE of it in me naturally. I know it's totally dangerous and causes heart valve problems but, no joke, if I could find it I'd still take it. I mean, heart risk vs obesity risk vs risk from gastric surgeries? All comes out pretty even to me.

Not that this has anything to do with anything, it was just on my mind. As I sit here with heartburn. Contemplating my morbid obesity and bad knees and what the hell I'm gonna do with myself in 2010.

Only because I'm going to a funeral at 2pm. But I'll take it.

I apparently decided, without thinking about it, to use the time between Xmas & whatever day we go back to work in 2010 (I don't have all that time off, that's just the timeframe) to kick my dependency on sleep aids (primarily Xanax). So far, it's not going well. Didn't matter on the holiday nights but last night, tossing and turning till well past 4am (and resuming at 7am), completely sucked. I'm hoping I'll be so exhausted tonight that I'll just conk out. More likely: I'll end up napping around 7p and tossing & turning when I go to bed.

I am sooooo glad I'm not traveling by air this week. As always, one person is a retard and everyone - all over the world - pays for it. Even though that one person's action proved that all the screening insanity DOESN'T WORK. Evil doers will always find a way to do evil.

I watched 3 more episodes of MadMen (season1) last night. I wanted to watch Extras but I couldn't find the DVDs. During my night of tossing & turning, their MIA location finally dawned on me (table in the dining room, under the curtain that's currently draped over the table (there's other stuff on top of the curtain)).

I never got as far as housecleaning. That sucks. I really really really need to vacuum the carpets and mop the floors. I haven't bothered to look for a new cleaning service yet. And I also haven't called the old one to get my key back.

Okaaaaay... time to shower and get dressed. I don't need to leave here till around 1pm but if I put it off any longer, I'll probably lose track of time.

Nate has the vid and better pics.

Me and the FSM

Playing with The FSM

Spaghetti Pedi?

Say No to the RED BUCKET..

"But I do not. I do not ring the bell for the Salvation Army. I do not donate to the Salvation Army, because the Salvation Army discriminates against gays and lesbians in employment, works to defeat civil rights measures that protect gays and lesbians and promotes position that gay relationships "do not conform to God's will for society."

Actually, I do. SO glad I bought this stupid "slutty pirate" costume when I saw it on sale. I KNEW I'd find a reason to wear it.

Being cold out, I'm also wearing leggings. And simply flats rather than slut shoes. The first pair of flats I donned had cross straps and I looked like some freaky, BAD, ballerina pirate hybrid. Now I just look like a fool (or a waitress at Jolly Roger's.... are those still around? Anyone else remember them?) and fool is what I was going for.

Gonna grab some cheap champagne and head up to Hollywood and hope this food fight goes off.

I just went on a shopping spree for work pants and it included a pair in the largest size I've ever bought... 26. Eeeegads!!

I've bought shirts that large before, cause I wanted them giantly oversized, but never pants. And never ever pants that fit.

On the bright side, they were on sale for $8.13.

I got a sweater/jacket for about the same price in size 30/32... massively oversize but I like the super loose fit. I also got a negligee, though I've got no one to wear it for. But that's what happens during good sales!! I ended up with 5 or 6 pair of work slacks (all black or grey base color), 1 pair of sweat/lounge pants (dark grey), 1 print sweater/jacket (giraffe or leopard print), 1 casual jacket (black), and 1 nightie (black w/floral) for about $160... not bad.

I once read that a sign of being ashamed of your weight is buying all black. But I buy dark bottoms, and jackets, because they're easier to mix.

I haven't tried on my Newport-News sweater or slacks yet cause I tried the jacket and it's about a billion sizes too large. I ordered it in calf-length and it hangs to the floor. It looks like a gigantic ugly robe. I thought it was supposed to be reversible fleece but the black side is ultrasuede and has the leopard print showing through all the seams. It looks like it's inside out. On the leopard print side, it's an oddly colored print - looks okay in dim lighting (or dark rooms) but icky in light. Such a total disappointment!!! I'm really hit & miss with Newport-News... some things are great, others suck hardcore.

I didn't got to the champagne tasting today. I wasn't feeling it and definitely wasn't going to buy any champagne so it seemed like a big "Why Bother?"

Now I'm killing time till the spaghetti food fight. Only 6 RSVPs but he says its still gonna happen. I still plan to wear my pirate outfit. Cheap beer is being supplied but that won't get me buzzed enough to food fight so I'm planning to bring cheap champagne.

Is, as I feared, little more than a 2 hour Channel commercial (no channel product placement - just the style of one looooooong channel commercial). All the good parts? Already shown in the commercials (yes, they're that brief).

I spent the whole time thinking that it looked like it was filmed with the intention of immediately being redone as a play. Turns out that's because it's based on a play, which I didn't know.

I did know, however, that it's also loosely based on the Fellini film 8½. That helps a lot. Well, it helped me stay in my seat and not walk out.

I read that Fergie's performance was "a revelation". Really? It wasn't long enough to be much of anything to me.

Nicole Kidman's costumes, with boobs clearly much larger than her own/real ones, was distracting.

I liked Penelope Cruz' character (little slut!).

Kate Hudson reminds me more and more of her mother every time I see her. Doing 60s dances just added to the effect.

The dancing & burlesque are good. "Moulin Rouge" and/or "Chicago" it ain't. Mostly boring, it is.

But it got me out of the house (and my pajamas) for 3 hours. Now I'm safe & warm, back in both of them.

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